Anxiety — a symptom, not the cause
For more than 25 years I’ve been living with anxiety. My first instinct has always been to push it away: I suppress it, I distract myself, I try to fill every spare moment with something else so I won’t feel the tightness in my chest, the sub‑occipital tension, the shallow breathing, the racing heart, the looming sense of doom.
What I’ve tried
People: leaning on partners, friends, family, therapists, CoDA
Activity: sports, exercise, travel
Escape: constantly moving, starting new projects
These strategies give temporary relief, but they never solve the underlying problem. Whenever a relationship ends, a sport is no longer possible, or work becomes stressful, the anxiety resurfaces. I feel lost—no clear direction, no safe place to turn. My “solution” becomes more distraction: another trip, another hobby, another avoidance loop. As Christopher Germer calls it, I’m stuck in the stage of aversion—running from what’s inside rather than meeting it.
The turning point
I’ve tried medication to numb the feeling, but that only postpones the inevitable. A good friend once suggested I simply sit with the feelings. At first, that sounded terrifying. How could sitting with my anxiety? The idea of meditating while my chest tightened, my breath quickened, and doom loomed felt like inviting disaster.
What changed when I finally gave it a chance? One day, while practicing Tai Chi, I allowed myself to grieve the collapse of my marriage. Tears flowed—not because I expected them to fix anything, but because I let the sadness, regret, resentment, loneliness, and fear surface. As those emotions were acknowledged, the anxiety began to dissolve. I realized:
Anxiety isn’t the feeling itself; it’s a physiological alarm signaling an unresolved emotional issue.
Chasing the anxiety away only fuels the cycle.
Curiosity, as Germer suggests, toward the underlying emotion—asking “What’s really happening here?”—creates space for healing.
What I’ve learned
Sit with the feeling – Give yourself permission to experience the emotion, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Name the underlying emotion – Sadness, anger, fear, loneliness… naming them reduces their power to hide behind physical symptoms.
Allow the body to express – Crying, gentle movement, or simply breathing through tension can release the stored energy.
When I stopped trying to outrun my anxiety and instead welcomed the emotions behind it, the physical symptoms—tight chest, neck tension, jaw clenching, stomach acidity—gradually faded.
Moving forward
Practice presence – Short, compassionate check‑ins with yourself throughout the day (a few mindful breaths, a brief pause).
Embrace healthy outlets – Tai Chi, gentle yoga, or any activity that lets the body move while staying aware.
Seek support – Talking with a therapist or trusted friend about the emotions you uncover can deepen the process.
By shifting from avoidance to curiosity, I’m learning to live alongside anxiety rather than constantly fighting it. The journey is still ongoing, but each moment of honest feeling brings a little more peace—and a lot less ned to run.
I know this is a journey and some days these techniques work better than others. Nevertheless, I hope that this article helps you if you are suffering with anxiety.
